Okay. Apologies to Charles Dickens. I couldn’t resist.
Do you swallow or do you spit?
Please. Release the gutter.
And now, back to the topic, which is spitting. Or not. And the differences between the sexes regarding effective spitting. One thing I’ve noticed is that guys tend to spit and women tend to swallow. (RELEASE THE GUTTER, I SAID!) As I have discussed on several occasions with friends, guys naturally learn icky stuff. Who can hock a loogie the furthest? Who can most legibly write one’s name in the snow? Who can flamethrow lit flatulence the furthest? On the other hand, even the most tomboyish of us are raised to be “ladies” and told those things are, well, icky. So later in life when spitting is necessary (who knew), we’re caught flat-footed.
Not unlike lighting farts, spitting seems to be squarely in the guys’ purview. I have attended more than one wine event where I watched with decided envy my fellow somms sipping and then spitting directly into spit buckets a couple of feet away. I really envy them. Not so much when I was a kid. Because cooties.
The vagaries of wine tasting, spitting, swallowing, dumping, etc., are such that I decided to find a few videos on how to do it. You’d think I would have done this years ago.
As I have discussed on several occasions with friends, guys naturally learn icky stuff. Who can hock a loogie the furthest? Who can most legibly write one’s name in the snow? Who can flamethrow lit flatulence the furthest?
First of all, there are lots of videos on the art of just spitting. You can learn anything on YouTube! There aren’t so many on how to spit wine. Some are pretty straightforward – put the cup close to your mouth and stream as best you can – while others are more comprehensive. Well, I can do that. I noticed that even some of the most experienced of spitters may have to wipe their chin from time to time.
How to Spit Like a Mofo
As I noted earlier, one of the most important skills to learn when you’re tasting a lot of wine is to spit. Because if you swallow all of those wines that you’re tasting, (i.e., “drinking”), you’ll end up more or less inebriated. So you spit, or, at the very least, you dump after taking a minuscule sip. Doing that, you should, in theory, be okay. But dumping is not nearly as effective in warding off possible tipsiness because you still get the full impact of the alcohol. Spitting, on the other hand, allows you to enjoy the wine sans the inebriation factor. But even with that, it’s not unusual to get a little buzzed even with spitting. All because of those pesky mucous membranes that love to absorb stuff.
How to Spit Wine
I’m so glad that I wore dark-colored clothing during the Tin City Block Party event because I truly, truly sucked at spitting. I managed to dribble more than spit because even after all of these years, I still lack the skills.
Great Expectorations: The Art of Spitting Wine
During regular Guild of Sommelier tastings (there’s always a charge and you have to be a Somm and a member), regular red plastic Solo cups are supplied for spitting. That’s very easy to do and keeps drippage at a minimum. The regular buckets present at wineries and tastings rooms (called “spit buckets” or “dump buckets”) are pretty easy to use unless they have stuff in them. I will generally just pick one up and spit, but if it’s got some stuff in it, it doesn’t work well. You’ve seen that scene in Sideways! Except without the drinking part. Ew.
No matter what, I still try to spit. Clothing and chin stains notwithstanding.
Enjoy the vids!
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